My Time as a SAHM

So an enormous benefit of working as an educator is summer break. This summer happens to be a particularly long one... 11 GLORIOUS weeks. It's no secret to those nearest and dearest to me that my biggest wish is that we could afford for me to be a SAHM. I take comfort in the fact that my job at least affords me some serious time off to be at home with my little angel. 10-11 weeks in the summer, all the normal holidays, 1.5-2 weeks at Christmas, and a week for spring break equals a LOT of vacation time at home, much more vacation than a typical 9-5 working mama is likely to get. I know in that regard that I am very, very lucky. So how goes my summer as a SAHM? Pretty amazing and surprising.

I was home with my daughter last summer too but she was much younger, 6-7 months, and it's pretty much a blur at this point. This summer, my little darling is 18 months and a full-fledged toddler. Walking, climbing, running, exerting her independence every chance she gets, saying her favorite word "NO!" and yelling it quite a bit as well. To say that she's more challenging this summer would be a HUGE understatement. I have a new appreciation for full-time SAHMs because it can definitely be mentally draining because if you're like me and you have a bad sleeper, you are on almost all the time. My daughter will only sleep in her crib for maybe 1.5 hours before I have to move her into my bed and since our bed is high off the ground, I end up going to bed with her for safety. That means that out of every single day, I'm only getting after showering and all that, maybe an hour to spend with my husband just being me. Of course, the time with my husband is even LESS during the school year because there's all the preparing for the next workday stuff like packing bags and lunches and all that jazz but I feel like I get a little bit more of a "kid break" during the year.

I think it definitely surprised me to see how draining it can feel to always be "on". I love my daughter more than life itself but I definitely cherish that hour of time before she wakes up, way more than I cherish it during the school year. I also find being home can get a tad bit lonely... sure, I get to wear yoga pants every day and can watch TV when I want, but you can definitely miss interaction with people who are over 3 feet tall.

All that being said, I would stay home in an INSTANT because it's so much easier being a SAHM for me than it is being a working mom. We struggle so much during the school year because everyone is stressed, time is so compressed, weekends end up being all about errands and chores, and the working mom guilt can be absolutely crushing. While it's nice to be out of the house and have some other types of interaction, it really can't compare with getting to spend every day watching your child grow up and experience the world. The toddler age is so fun because they are constantly learning and changing... it's truly incredible.

It's only been 4 weeks but my favorite things right now about being home:

• Getting to be there for every moment is priceless
• Morning trips to the park! Afternoon time it is PACKED
• Napping in the afternoon with my girl, she is the best snuggler
• No work clothes! Bra? If I feel like it! Yoga pants? Check!
• More time to get housework done... my house is pure sketch during the school year
• Grocery trips/errands while others are at work... SO much better than weekend shopping!
• SO much easier to cook at home when I can prep in the afternoon
• No commute! Goodbye, traffic!
• SO MUCH LESS STRESS
• Lots of playtime with my girl, love our summer bond

There are so many more but you get the point. While it's not all roses, I still much prefer our summer way of life. One downside is that finding time to blog is so difficult! I have soooo many reviews to post, it's insane. Cause another perk? Yup. This mama has actually had time to read. I hope all of you are having as wonderful a summer as I am. Here's hoping the next 6.5 weeks go sloooooowly. Cheers!

Mother's Day

There is no greater joy than being a mother... it's something that you really cannot wrap your mind around until a little baby is placed in your arms. The overwhelming and all-consuming love I feel for my daughter shocked me in the intensity because I just don't think you ever really "get it" until you're living it. I am even more grateful and in awe of my mother now because being a mom makes you realize how much your own mother loves YOU. It's humbling and I tear up just thinking about some of things that I put her through. Hug and love on your mamas this weekend. Whether you believe it or not, you carry a piece of your mama's heart with you each and every moment. I'll leave you with one of my favorite poems about parenthood:

The Last Time

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms,

you will never be the same.

You might long for the person you were before,

when you had freedom and time,

and nothing in particular to worry about.

You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,

and days will run into days that are exactly the same,

full of feedings and burping,

nappy changes and crying,

whining and fighting,

naps or a lack of naps...

it might seem like a never-ending cycle.

But do not forget...

there is a last time for everything.

There will come a time when you will feed

your baby for the very last time.

They will fall asleep on you after a long day,

and it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.

One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down,

and never pick them up that way again. 

You will scrub their hair in the bath one night,

and from that day on they will want to bathe alone.

They will hold your hand to cross the road,

then never reach for it again.

They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,

and it will be the last time you ever wake to this.

One afternoon you will sing "the wheels on the bus" and do all the actions,

then never sing that song again.

They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,

the next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.

You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face.

They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.

The thing is, you won't even know it's the last time

until there are no more times,

and even then, 

it will take you awhile to realize.

So while you are living in these times,

remember there are only so many of them,

and when they are gone,

you will yearn for just one more day of them.

For one last time.

Glass Houses and Stones...

I hate drama. ESPECIALLY family drama which I unfortunately find myself smack dab in the middle of right now. Someone in my family (protecting identity because frankly, I'd be ashamed if I was her) has a problem with me. APPARENTLY, I take advantage of my husband because she sees him doing all of the work for our infant daughter when we're at family get togethers. Work meaning feeding her and changing her diaper. First of all, we don't keep count so I'm not sure who is winning the diaper tally in our household, but I can promise you that we both have changed our fair share. Second of all, seeing us for maybe 2-3 hours once a month or so is HARDLY a clear indicator of what goes on in our family on a day-to-day basis.

I think part of her frustration stems from when my father-in-law was sick, in hospice care and passing away. My husband couldn't be there as much as other family members, he was in a crap job with crappy hours and absolutely no paid time off. We also happened to have a 4 month old at the time and were still learning and growing in our roles of new parents. I never once told my husband that he could NOT go over there. He went over there every other day but really struggled with it. It was very difficult for him to be there and personally, I think he needed some time at home with our baby girl to experience a little bit of joy in such a terrible time. Being with our daughter seemed to be a buffer for him, a little salve for his soul as he watched his father lose his long battle with cancer.

All of this is beside the point... when has it become socially acceptable in our society for people to pass judgment so harshly on others? Just because you're related to someone, through marriage no less, does not entitle that person to be all up in your business, passing judgment on things that they only have partial information on. Who the heck does this person think he/she is? It ASTONISHES me that people feel so entitled to make judgments about other people and the way they live their lives. Just because someone does something differently than you, that doesn't make their way WRONG and your way RIGHT, it just means that you're different. Differences should be celebrated because who knows, maybe you'll find a new and better way of doing things for yourself. But judging someone, making them feel like a total outsider in the family, making them feel inadequate as a parent, wife, and person in general? Shame. You should feel SHAME. You should also turn that intense scrutiny into your own home and look at yourself. I promise, you ain't as perfect as you think you are. I just have too much class to point those things out to you.

It also makes me sad that moms feel the need to rip each other apart, rather than build each other up. It's HARD being a mom, y'all. It's especially hard being a first-time mom and having someone who is supposed to be like family to you tearing you down? That really sucks. I may not always agree with what I see other moms doing, but I'm damn sure going to be a supportive and caring presence in their lives, not a demeaning, negative and judgmental one.

*deep breath*

At the end of the day, dealing with people like this, people who mask hatefulness and cruelty behind false words of "concern" for others just show me the kind of person I NEVER want to be. I will never be a close member of my husband's family, it's just not possible now because it's been made abundantly clear that I'm not a member of the family and that everything about my life- my parenting, my marriage, my relationship with others, is open to critique and judgment from others. Every moment spent in their presence will feel like operating in a fishbowl. There will never be comfort there now and that's okay. Because I learned the truth about where I stand and sometimes that's a really valuable lesson. You also learn about who you can really rely on... to respect you, stand by you, and love and care for you unconditionally and without judgment. I have that in my husband and that's enough. I also happen to have a family who loves me and would NEVER make my husband feel the way his family has made me feel. For that, I'll be eternally grateful.

Mama Knows Best!

As a new parent, you will find yourself simply inundated with well-meaning advice and opinions from family members, friends, acquaintances, pediatricians, even complete STRANGERS. At first, you soak up everything that's said to you and find yourself running to Google for constant confirmation. And guess what? You end up hearing SO MUCH conflicting information, you end up wanting to bash your head against the wall. In addition to the confusing nature of a thousand different voices and ideas in your head, it can be annoying when people are constantly trying to tell you what to do, what they did, and what you're doing wrong. My solution?

Learn to trust yourself.

This isn't the easiest lesson to learn but trust me, once you start listening to your inner voice and your own mother's intuition, you're going to be a much happier and confident mama. The first time I strayed from advice that I was getting from SO MANY PEOPLE was when it came to sleep training. Everyone and their grandma insisted that "crying-it-out" (CIO) was the end all and be all when it came to successful sleep training. My mother-in-law, pediatrician, coworkers, friends, acquaintances, online mamas in my Facebook mom's group, everyone was pushing me to let Emma CIO. So I tried it... one horrible, horrible night that I will probably regret for the rest of my life. Letting my sweet baby cry so hard and ignoring it went against every feeling I had inside of me. That experience opened my eyes to the truth: no one, and I mean no one, knows what is better for your baby than you do. Does my daughter still suck at sleeping in her crib and end up in my bed every night? Yep. And the truth is that I couldn't be happier about that because I know that we're doing what is right for our family right now. 

Just this past weekend, my husband's entire family went out to dinner at a nice restaurant for his grandma's birthday. We were not in attendance because we didn't have a sitter since my mom was out of town. I KNOW many people in his family didn't agree with our choice and thought we should have just brought our daughter with us. My response? Nope! My kiddo is wonderful but she gets bored easily and evening is already her most cranky-prone time of the day (as it is for most infants!). Going out to dinner at a restaurant just wouldn't be enjoyable right now, plus she's still not eating table food. No thank you! I'm not paying that much money for a meal out that my husband and I are not going to enjoy. Maybe that makes me sound like a selfish brat, but it is what it is. As a parent, you have to know what you're willing to do, and what you're not.

And do not even get me started on the table food debate... I am so tired of our grandmothers trying to tell us what worked for all their kids. Great for you, that's awesome. But I'm doing things my way and really don't need to hear for the umpteenth time how you never did pureed foods. I'm too nice to tell them to piss off because, respect your elders and all, but trust me on this: that crap goes in one ear and right out the other. My daughter is still choking on puffs. We'll get there when we get there. Raising a kid shouldn't be a race, kids hit developmental milestones when they're ready, not when mama, daddy, or grandma are ready. Not all moms may agree with me on that and that's kind of the point I'm making here... we're all free to parent the way that we see fit. 

So the next time you're in the store and you opt for the flavored yogurt rather than the plain stuff the pediatrician recommended, the daycare provider insists that your baby should go to the doctor because she thinks she or he has an ear infection but you see no sign of it and your baby seems right as rain to you, or you find yourself rocking your 8-month old to sleep even though everyone tells you they're too old for that, know that you are not alone and YOU ARE RIGHT. When it comes to what is best for that baby that you are raising, who you love more than life itself, who you would jump in front of a speeding bus for... you know what is best. Mother's intuition is a very real thing but it doesn't just develop fully overnight. It will grow and adapt with you as you become more comfortable in your parenting role, or at least it did for me. I am a much more comfortable and confident mama than I was when I first brought her home from the hospital. 

Learning to trust myself has made me feel more in control and way happier... and now it's a whole lot easier to grin and bear it through the constant barrage of well-wishing advice givers. Cause really? Most people mean well so I just smile and nod and move on with my life. At the end of the day, the only people that truly matter when it comes to raising your child are you and your partner.

Mommy Wars

Since becoming a mom, I've made the effort to join several online "mommy groups" because let's face it, as a new parent, I have NO idea if I'm doing the right thing half the time. It's really wonderful to have a group of women you can talk to, commiserate with, share and give advice with, all that good stuff. In addition, I also have real life mommy friends who are always there to lend an ear, a shoulder, whatever is needed at the moment. Most of the time, these interactions are wonderful but an ugly little truth has become known to me... the prevalence and nastiness of the "Mommy Wars".

If you haven't joined the mommy club yet, you may have no idea what I'm talking about. "Mommy Wars" basically refers to the differing opinions on some hot-button topics that tends to lead to women dividing themselves. Rather than supporting other moms and their choices, women end up bashing others and trying to persuade people that their way is the right way. Two issues that I've seen spawn a great deal of bitterness and hatefulness:

• SAHM vs Working Moms
• Breastfeeding vs Formula Feeding

My thought is this: While it's totally acceptable to have a strong opinion on what is best for you, your child, and your family, no one really has the right or knowledge to say what is best for others. Because the truth is, most of the time, you may not truly be aware of what other people are facing and what their health, financial, and family situations are. I happen to be a working mom who formula feeds and I've been pretty offended by some comments directed at that way of life because the truth is, I must work or my daughter would not have a roof over her head or food in her little tummy. My income forms a significant portion of our monthly income, I am definitely the primary breadwinner, and no amount of cutting things out or budgeting will change the need for me to work. I ended up formula feeding because of health concerns and difficulties my daughter and I faced the first couple weeks of her life. It was a rough and heartbreaking choice for me because I loved the connection breastfeeding afforded us and really wanted it to work out for us. But I was faced with unforeseen complications and I was inexperienced, not a great combination. I shouldn't be shamed by others because of choices I've made, or been forced to make.

So I implore all the mamas out there: Think before you speak! You really do not know what someone feels deep inside or the choices that have been forced upon them. Moms should be supporting one another and not letting jealousy and judgment derail what should be positive and supportive relationships. I plan on having another post dedicated to "Mommy Judging" because that's a very real, and very sad thing that undermines mom-to-mom friendships. And as a working mom who has felt small based on the comments of some SAHM people, I plan on writing a post about what NOT to say to your working mom friends. I'll also include the flip-side because I'm sure there are SAHM people who have felt belittled by their working mom friends. It's time to respect one another and lend support because being ANY kind of mom is hard work. While we may all have our opinions on who has it "harder", I think we can all agree that being a mom is hard work regardless of how you spend your time from 9-5 and how you're feeding your little one.

Cheesy, but true: Love, not war, people. Enjoy your weekend! *XOXO*

New Parent Surprises

There's no doubt about it, having a baby is a MAJOR life-changing event. Life as you know it is forever altered... in ways you've anticipated, and in some ways you NEVER could have imagined. So what has surprised me the most in the first 16 weeks? Some of my answers may surprise you.

• Love at First Sight

Sounds like a cliche, but when they placed this goopy-covered little human being on my chest, my heart had never felt anything like it before. Of course I knew that I was going to love my child, but I was COMPLETELY blown away by how intense I felt immediately when I looked at her. I always thought parents exaggerated a bit when they said, "It's a love like nothing you've ever known before" but let me tell you that EVERY word of that is true. I love my daughter more than I ever knew it was possible to love someone. You won't know a love like this until you're holding your child, trust me on this one.

• Overwhelming Doubt (and some horrible, but normal, thoughts)

No matter how much you love your child (read above) there will come a time, likely in the middle of the night, where you will ask yourself what the HELL were you thinking?!?! This does not make you a bad parent, this makes you a human parent. There were times that I honestly did not think I was cut out to be a mom and I couldn't help but wonder if I had ruined my life, my husband's life, and the life of this defenseless and totally dependent baby. Of course, these thoughts were followed by intense guilt because I know what a blessing it is to be a parent. But the first 6-8 weeks are seriously trying. You're sleep-deprived, your marriage seems to be on shaky ground, and you have this adorable but highly demanding person that you're trying to figure out. It's HARD and totally normal to question yourself. Don't beat yourself up about it and know that the cliched saying is true... this too shall pass.

• The Marriage Dilemma

So here's an ugly little secret that many people don't talk about... the first couple of months with a newborn wreak havoc on your marriage. My husband and I bickered almost daily for WEEKS and I was seriously worried that my daughter would end up growing up in a broken home. I just didn't get it because my husband and I had been so happy and solid before, I was SO confident that we would make wonderful parents together! The ugly truth is that life with a newborn is difficult and it's going to affect things because you're both just so stinkin' TIRED. Sleep deprivation is NO joke and makes it really easy to get snappy and defensive with your spouse. In addition to being sleep deprived, you're both dealing with guilt and insecurity about your new role as a parent. This mess ain't easy! Luckily, you start to get some sleep at some point, you gain some confidence, things start to get a little bit easier, and then you'll find you're fighting less and less.

• Surprising Choices

When you're pregnant, you'll find yourself saying things with total confidence... such as, "I'll never let the baby sleep in our room, that's what the crib is for!" or "I'm totally going to start the CIO method at an early age, mama needs her sleep!" I could give you a ton more examples but I think you get the point. Let me tell you: You will not know the choices you will make until your baby is in your arms. I was convinced that there was no way I could have our daughter sleep in our room. I knew every little sound would wake me and I just knew that getting sleep was way more important than anything else. Ahem. My 16 week-old daughter STILL sleeps right next to our bed and I don't see that changing any time soon. I find I sleep BETTER knowing I can open my eyes and check on her instantly without having to get out of bed. I would worry way too much if she wasn't instantly accessible. I have a feeling my husband will be disassembling and reassembling her crib in our room soon since she will likely outgrow the rock n' play she's been sleeping in. And CIO? I had convinced myself I could do that but absolutely not. Maybe later when she's a toddler and more aware of her actions but IMO, an infant is just too little for all that. Never would have guessed I would feel that way. Save yourself some embarrassment and keep mum on the absolutes until your little one is with you... I promise, your choices may surprise you.

• The Quick Adjustment to a New Normal

I really had no idea how quickly we would adjust to our "new normal". I can barely remember what life was like before our daughter was here, though I vaguely remember a lot more free time and definitely more sleep! But seriously... we've settled into a routine with our little one that feels like second nature now. And I am so different about things! I used to be a hot mess at home (which is ironic considering how neat I am at work), but bringing our daughter home made me want to keep a cleaner house. While my husband and I are content to live in chaos, I don't want that for her. I'm sure the return to work will bring a return of the messy house, but I really do feel like my husband and I have adapted to our new lives. Night-time used to be about vegging on the couch, now it's about playing with our little girl and our bath and bedtime routine. We clean up each evening, and every morning, and we're doing this whole parent thing like we've been doing it for much longer than we have. While things are undeniably difficult in the beginning, you'll shock yourself when you realize how quickly you've really made the necessary adjustments.

• The Acceptance of "Gross" Things

If you're like me, you may be worried about your dislike of all things nasty... like vomit and poopy diapers and anything that smells, or looks, disgusting. I had even joked about getting some disposable masks to wear because strong smells have been known to make me gag (I should tell you all about the time we had to wash clumped diarrhea off my cat's behind and how I almost threw up in the process). Be reassured: You will not find your baby's stuff all that repulsive. Yes, my daughter's poop can clear a room but for some reason, I find myself able to handle it, no mask required. And vomit and spit-up? I would wager that I smell a little bit like that most days and it's all okay. Like I said above, you quickly adjust to your new world that will definitely include some nasty and smelly things... but you really won't mind.


Being a new parent is truly a wonderful and amazing thing... you'll cry (a LOT, postpartum emotions are serious business), you'll laugh, you'll stare at this little human being you created in wonder, and you'll fall so deeply in love that you won't know what to do with yourself. When we brought our sweet Emmaleigh home, I couldn't sleep even though I was exhausted because I was so unbelievably worried about her. I would only sleep when my husband was awake so one of us could watch her. Thankfully, I outgrew that phase before we both went insane. You'll surprise yourself in so many ways and before you know it, you'll feel like you're getting the whole "parent" thing. Give yourself some slack in the beginning and know that the rumors are true--hard work is ahead. But it's the most rewarding work you will ever do.