Labor Horror Stories

So one of my best friends was due yesterday to give birth to her first child and it's safe to say that things are not progressing for her... at all. That baby boy of hers appears nice and comfy and her body is showing no signs of going into labor. It got me thinking about labor and delivery and the time leading up to it... it also got me remembering an ugly little truth. Women LOVE to share their horrible and terrifying labor stories with you when you're expecting. The result?

Pregnant women, especially first-timers, are already stressed out and freaked out enough as it is. I promise you that it does not help at ALL when someone tells you about their 36 hours of labor, tearing from "here to there", or scary emergency C-section stories when you're about to do something terrifying that you've never done before. Yes, labor and delivery is a natural and beautiful thing... it's also scary as hell until you've experienced it yourself. Really doesn't help when everyone you seem to come into contact with has horror stories or knows someone who had "just, like, the worst labor EVER. Reconstructive surgery and everything!"

I, personally, had a wonderful labor story that sometime I will share on here because I think there are far too few of them floating around. And I know that I got very, very lucky and that if I have a second child, it could be a completely different story. I really think though that the stress and worry leading up to it was way worse than the experience itself.

I really don't think that the intent of these horror story pushers is to frighten someone though... I honestly think they're trying to share their wisdom and prepare someone for something they probably did not feel prepared for themselves. I think that's the fundamental truth of all labor though, you really have no idea how it's going to go until you're doing it. You can have the most detailed and thought-out birthing plan in the world but things happen and you have to be willing to adapt to whatever comes. The end result is going to be the same no matter how you end up there: you'll be the new mother to an adorable and amazing little creature.

Should women stop sharing their labor stories? Of course not. I would recommend caution though against going all out in the TMI category unless the mom-to-be requests the nitty gritty. And if that mom-to-be doesn't ask, you could just choose not to tell. You have no idea the stories that she's been inundated with so far, perhaps she just doesn't need to hear about another thing that could go wrong. Instead be supportive and let her do the asking if she wants. And sometimes? A little sugar-coating can be just what someone needs.

Crazy Conception

So I've been wanting to post some pregnancy topics and figured, where better to start than conception? For me, my husband and I were ACTIVELY trying to get preggers and I was pretty obsessed with it. Here I'm going to detail the crazy steps I took, some of the reasons behind my obsession, and things NOT to say to a friend who is in a crazy conception phase of her own.

Why the craze?

There are lots of reasons that people may be in a rush to see that positive sign on a pregnancy test. For me, it was insecurity and fear. See, my husband and I experienced a loss when I miscarried our first pregnancy early in the first trimester. Miscarriage seriously messes with your mind... (and yes, I'll be doing a post on miscarriage at some point because it's like this ugly, huge elephant in the corner that no one wants to acknowledge or discuss) and it leaves behind fears that you'll never be able to have a child, there's something fundamentally wrong with you or your body, and the fear that you'll never be able to carry a baby to term. Yes, we all know the statistics about the unfortunate percentage of pregnancies that end in miscarriage and my doctor of course assured me that many women go on to have successful pregnancies after a miscarriage but let me tell you, until you're holding that baby in your arms, you have doubts that you ever will. In addition to miscarriage, some women worry that they're getting too old, they have PCOS or another disorder that makes conceiving difficult, they're just plan excited, and who knows how many other reasons. My point? You never know why someone is in a rush to get knocked up, which brings me to my next point...

What NOT to say to someone in a rush to conceive:

• What's the rush?
• It will happen when it's meant to happen
• I would never plan it like that, I want it to be natural
• You need to stop stressing it so much
• What's meant to be will be!

Yes, you may mean nothing but sweet things when you utter some version of the above but as someone who's been on the receiving end of this, just please don't. Again, you don't know always know why someone wants it so badly and you come off a little judgmental and non-supportive when you dismiss their efforts and insist that just letting things "happen naturally" is the best way.

My crazy conception steps:

The most important thing? TRACK, TRACK, TRACK SOME MORE!

If you don't know your cycle, you're basically just shooting in the dark *snort*. Seriously, tracking ovulation helped me realize that I ovulate on average a few days later than the standard 14 days. Who knows how many months I would have assumed we had passed the window and missed out on it altogether. How to track? Follow these steps:

1. Track your BBT (Basal Body Temperature) each morning.
2. Use ovulation sticks, no need to waste tons of money on them! Amazon sells Wondfos that are super cheap and totally reliable. Find them here.
3. Make sure to DTD (do the deed) on the right days! (this is the FUN part!)
4. Take a bromelain supplement (or eat pineapple core) on 1-5 DPO (days post ovulation).
5. Start taking pregnancy tests (again with the cheapie Wondfos) around 10 DPO. No need to wait until your missed period, I got my first positive WAY early. And it's super fun to see the line get darker each day.

People recommend some even crazier things, but the above steps worked for me! It's a lot to keep track of so I would recommend joining a site. I joined Fertility Friend which keeps a super easy to interpret chart for you. And if you pay to be a VIP member, you have access to even more helpful tools. 

It took me 3 months of tracking to get pregnant with our sweet little Emmaleigh. Even if you do everything right, it sometimes just doesn't happen. Don't give up hope! It can take people months, even a year, to get pregnant. If you want to make it more likely for yourself, follow the above tips. Best of luck!